Relationship With Parents Can Be Key To A Fulfilling Marriage

A husband's lack of emotional separation from his parents can make - or break - a new marriage, according to a study on marital adjustment in newlywed couples.

The researchers surveyed 25 heterosexual couples who were 18-30 years old and had been married between 6-13 months. The couples were asked how much they felt they were psychologically detached from their parents, and how much they had established themselves as distinct individuals. Each spouse was also asked whether they felt they got along as a couple, whether they were satisfied with the marriage, whether they received enough affection and whether they agreed enough on various issues.

"A husbands' lack of independence from both his parents," said Dr. Amstutz-Haws, "was the biggest predictor for both spouses not adjusting very well to the new marriage. Both spouses reported higher levels of adjustment and satisfaction in their marriage when the husbands were free from excessive guilt, anxiety, mistrust, responsibility, inhibition, resentment and anger in relation to their mothers. The couples were also better adjusted in their new marriage when the husband possessed a greater ability to manage and direct practical affairs without the help of their fathers."

"We were also able to determine the difference between how men and women separate themselves from their parents and how that affects the marital relationship," said the authors. "Wives' adjustment to marriage seemed to depend on how well the husbands separated from their parents. Whereas husbands' adjustment to marriage depended on how well both spouses separated from their parents' influence."